Think of the last time you felt completely overwhelmed by it all. Maybe you feel that way right now. Was it because one thing went bad on one isolated day?
Probably not. Being overwhelmed is often the accumulation of lots of little and sometimes mondo-sized stressors. These stressors make you feel as if you’re being buried by responsibilities that you just can’t keep up with.
When I was most overwhelmed I felt like I couldn’t catch a break to save my life. I felt like I was drowning, and as much as I hate to admit it, the truth is that I was a HUGE contributor to the dreadful cycle of overwhelm that had become a part of my daily routine.
CRAZY, right!? We’ll talk more about it in a second. I’m sharing this because what if…
What if you’re doing the same thing to yourself and you didn’t even realize it? Wouldn’t you want someone to point it out in a kind and non-judgmental way? That’s what I’m here for. I got you sis!
The overwhelm Is Not Your Fault…
Let me be clear: I’m not saying that if you’re overwhelmed it’s automatically your fault. I’m not staying that if you’re overwhelmed it means that you’re doing it all wrong.
What you are doing is showing up for your family EVERY DAY as a loving and nurturing mother. You’re doing the best you can with the resources and knowledge that you have.
Here’s the thing, though:
Life can have this way of placing unbearable weight on our shoulders and simultaneously slipping the rug right from under us. It can all happen in the blink of an eye. This doesn’t happen all the time but it DOES happen. And when it does we can go from perfectly fine one moment to extremely overwhelmed, bawling our eyes out and wondering what the heck just happened in the next moment.
So let me give you quick version of all that:
Sometimes the things that overwhelm us are far beyond what we have the power to control.
In those circumstances my go-to is praying. I ask God for the strength and wisdom to navigate these situations with the right heart a good attitude. This is so that He can be glorified even in trying or difficult times.
My other go-to is therapy. I cannot say enough good things about the value of a highly experienced, well qualified Christian counselor. Having a professional to help you walk through difficult seasons is invaluable.
…But you may be contributing to your own overwhelm
So I just gave the good pep talk about how overwhelm is not your fault and you’re doing the best you can, but you know what?
Sometimes we’re doing the best we can, and aren’t even aware that we have lots of room to grow. That our best can become even better. Back when I was leaving work at 5:30 many evenings even though I was contractually off at 3:30, and then not even thinking about what to cook for dinner until nearly seven in the evening (so embarrassing), I thought I was doing my best. But I wasn’t.
Only a few years ago, my everyday life was a textbook example of a never ending cycle of daily stress, constant overwhelm, and being completely frazzled.
All. The. Time.
I hated it. My house was consistently a mess.
I felt like I was never caught up at work.
Figuring out what to cook for dinner was a daily struggle that often didn’t begin until 5:30 or even 6:30 sometimes.
I was bitterly resentful about doing the lion’s share of managing the household even though I worked full time too.
It seemed like I was always losing things, always running late, and always exhausted. Always.
The phrase “I’m sick and tired of ________________” (I filled in the blank with lots of different things during this time) was coming out of my mouth on repeat. It was so frequent that I actually became intentional about not saying it anymore.
I could continue on and on, but I think you guys get it. The moral of the story is that I was a hot dang-on mess. Seriously!
I was NOT thriving as a homemaker, mother or teacher and I was doing a terrible job taking care of myself. Once I started making small changes to take better care of myself, my life was transformed in about a week.
And look. I’m not. even. kidding. More about that here.
Why Do Overwhelmed Moms need self care?
The short answer is that many moms are KILLING IT when caring for the needs of everyone in the family.
Once we take care of everyone else what happens to our own needs? They just sort of default to last place, don’t they?
I don’t think this is necessarily always a bad thing. There are certain seasons of motherhood that are synonymous with very little sleep, and prioritizing the needs of your child above nearly everything and everyone else. When you have a brand new baby it just is what it is.
What’s bad, though, is when your needs don’t make the list at all.
Let’s do a little self survey, shall we? The scale goes from one to ten. Ten is the highest level of prioritizing how well you show up for yourself. At a ten you actually follow through with whatever self care means for your life.
So now let me ask: When it comes to prioritizing your self care how would you rate yourself?
If you find that you’re on the lower end of the spectrum do a little reflecting and figure out why.
This doesn’t have to be some deep meditative exercise that takes a super long time to complete. It really can be as simple as asking yourself why you don’t prioritize your self care, being honest with yourself, and continuing to ask WHY after every answer until you finally get to the root of it.
Once you know the root cause, you can actually make a plan to address the issue and start prioritizing yourself again.
self care can be simple
Lately I’ve become particularly intentional about living in a more simple way, and this is across the board. My aim is to weave a thread of simplicity into all that I do, so of course self care is no exception.
There are an endless amount of ways to practice self care. It can be as particular as the way each mother parents her children, and as personal as a woman’s sense of style. I talk about it more here on my blog post about The Best Self Care Products for Busy Moms.
Self care won’t look the same for every mom because there aren’t any two of us living life with a cookie cutter set of circumstances. We all have unique interests, preferences and experiences.
This means it’s totally OK if whatever blows your hair back in the wind doesn’t quite do the trick for me.
Although we all practice (or should be practicing) self care in ways that are authentic to our own lives, I do believe that there are some universal practices that count as self care for most (if not all) women.
These life changing forms of self care are often overlooked, and typically not thought of as ways to practice self care. They are, however, particularly helpful for moms who are overwhelmed.
At this point you’re probably curious about exactly which self care ideas I have to share with you, so let’s get into it!
1. Leave Margin in your day
Here’s the truth: I was HORRIBLE at leaving margin in my day. For years! I’ve made some progress, but in the spirit of keeping it real, I definitely still have room for improvement.
Making a decision to leave margin in your day absolutely counts as self care. Leaving margin in your day simply means giving yourself enough buffer time so that unexpected surprises don’t throw your day off, or leave you flustered, frazzled, and all out of sorts.
Here’s how leaving margin in your day might look:
If you have to be at work at 8:00, and it takes you exactly 20 minutes to get there, are you going to leave the house at exactly 7:40? Of course not! Giving yourself some margin means that you’re walking out the door no later than 7:25.
When you start giving yourself margin you’ll notice right away that you’re no longer agitated by folks actually driving the speed limit. You can relax on the way to the surprise birthday party, dentist appointment, church, or any other destination. It’s so nice to just let your mind wander and enjoy the drive without having to race (literally) against the clock.
Giving yourself margin is an excellent way to begin chipping away at feelings of overwhelm . Always waiting until the last minute, or even trying to cram too many activities into one block of time can lead to being stressed and overwhelmed.
2. Stick to a Daily Schedule
When you find yourself trapped in a daily cycle of overwhelm it can seem like you’re floating along from one moment to the next, day after day with no real plan. And it’s not that you don’t want to come up with a plan, it’s just sort of hard to plan for the future (even if the future is only the rest of the week) when you’re struggling to make it from morning to afternoon, to evening, to night. A huge part of overcoming overwhelm, though, is coming up with a plan.
Here’s what I mean: if dinnertime is stressing you out on the daily, you can start to overcome that by putting systems in place for grocery shopping, meal planning and the actual cooking of the food. Because systems you create become a routine part of your life, it’s like having a built in plan on “set-it-and-forget-it” that you don’t really even have to think about.
I’ve created a FREE SYSTEMS PLANNER that will walk you through creating systems (in just a few easy steps) tailored to your life! DOWNLOAD IT HERE!
If a perpetually messy house has you stressed and frazzled, the first step toward curbing the overwhelm is to come up with a plan for how to tackle the Goliath of an issue. And here’s a hint: your plan should look a lot like a system.
You may be thinking to yourself, OK, Dee, so what does this have to do with sticking to a daily schedule? A daily schedule is like a plan for your day. It’s really important to have a written schedule that you can refer to.
Remember how in middle school when you had to write a paper, your teacher would make you draft an outline before you actually started to flesh out your essay?
Your daily schedule is like an outline. There are certain parts of your day that will be the same no matter what.
If you have an employer, you likely have to wake up at roughly the same time and leave the house at the same time each weekday to make it to work on time. Am I right?
Your baseline schedule won’t account for appointments, lunch dates, play dates, birthday parties, etc. but it can definitely help you stay on track throughout the day.
Back in April of 2020 my life was going haywire with trying to teach my second grade students virtually and also parent my pre-school aged son, I was the most overwhelmed I had been in a looooong time, so I resorted to doing what I often do when it feels like my life is getting a little too out of control.
I prayed and asked God for wisdom and guidance. Then I flipped open my trusty MacBook Air, opened my design software, and created a schedule that would help me AND my son do the best that we could in our new normal.
4. Create Systems for organization
If you’ve seen at least one other article on my blog, number 4 should not come as a surprise to you.
And side-note…if you haven’t seen at least one other article on my blog then you’re kinda missing out. You should definitely grab a snack, and stay a while because there’s lots of good stuff around here; especially for overwhelmed moms.
Creating systems is such a game changer, and one of my most highly recommended tips for overcoming overwhelm. This tip, however, speaks specifically to creating systems for organization.
It’s pretty normal to let the little things go when you’re feeling overwhelmed. A stack of papers here, a few piles of laundry there, and before you know if you’re drowning in chaos and clutter…or at least I was, anyway.
Here’s what the chaos and clutter eventually does:
It leads to more overwhelm!
Systems to create for more organization
- Create and stick to a daily schedule…remember number 2?
- Time block your days in a paper planner or planning app
- Create a system for incoming papers
- Create a system for meal planning. I share 3 best practices in my Meal Planning video that work for any meal planning system
- Create a system for organizing your clothes and shoes in your closets
- Create a system for keeping your home clean
Of course this list isn’t exhaustive, but isn’t it nice to have a few ideas to get you started?
Don’t feel the need to dive into creating too many systems at once. It may be tempting but trust me when I tell you that it’s not sustainable.
Diving headfirst into too much too soon only feeds the cycle of frustration and overwhelm.
Start making small changes to become more organized, and pay close attention to how you feel after making changes.
final thoughts on self care that simplifies life
In case you’re a skimmer and you need the quick version, here it is:
If you’re drowning in overwhelm now is not the time to play the blame game. Please don’t start beating yourself up about how it’s all your fault. What’s most important is identifying the need to make some changes, and also caring for yourself in the best possible way.
If you’re a mom, the fact is that you need self care. We all have unique lives and interests, so some aspects of self care are going to look different from one woman to the next.
There are some forms of self care that can improve your everyday life and help you be prepared to put your best foot forward each day.
Have you ever thought of simplifying your life as a form of self care? What’s your best tip for living life more simply?
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