10 Tips to Overcome Overwhelm as a Mom

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10 Best Tips to Overcome Overwhelm as a mom

• Are you ready to break free from survival mode and overcome overwhelm as a mom? Let’s get into it!

• Overwhelm was the worst for me when my son was a toddler and I was working full time. Trying to be and do all the things while figuring out the blessing of motherhood had me frazzled, exhausted, overwhelmed, and even resentful.
• I lived in a continual state of overwhelm for about two years. The whole time I felt like I could barely keep my head above water. One December day I decided that enough was enough. I cried my eyes out to Jesus, and told him I couldn’t keep living like this because I was about to burn ALL the way OUT! God gave me wisdom, and showed me some changes to make.
• Sometimes when we’re overwhelmed it’s because there are things happening in our lives that we can’t control. Things that are legitimately overwhelming and we’re just doing our best to roll with the punches.
• Sometimes, though, we’re overwhelmed because we’re making unwise choices instead of making intentional decisions about our time.
• Within two weeks of my come to Jesus moment, my life was night and day better! By making some practical changes I was able to overcome overwhelm as a mom. I still get overwhelmed sometimes, but it’s no longer a lifestyle.

What is Overwhelm?

• I think of overwhelm as the feeling you get, or the mental state you’re in when you feel like you’re being buried by the responsibilities of life. It’s the feeling you experience when you’re trying to meet deadlines for work, be a good wife, keep the house clean, be present as a mother, help with the homework, find time for your passion project, read your Bible, be a supportive friend, get more than four hours of sleep at night and still somehow stay sane so that you can do it all over again the next day.

Why do Moms Get Overwhelmed

• As moms we shoulder much of the responsibility of managing the events and activities of our families’ everyday lives. A lot of the time we’re doing it on our own which leads to overwhelm. Constantly being overwhelmed can take a physical, mental and emotional toll on our bodies. The good news is that there are things we can do to overcome overwhelm as moms. This leads to enjoying simpler and more peaceful lives.

10 Best Tips For Overwhelmed Moms

• Tip 1: Create Systems That Simplify
  • Think about the most chaotic parts of your day. Now do a little research to find a system that can help bring order. Mornings used to be one of my most chaotic times. I’d waste 10-15 precious minutes each morning just staring into my closet, and trying to decide what to wear. I created a system of choosing 5 work outfits per month that I would wear every week. I would choose 5 new outfits the next month. This really helped me to start my days in a less stressful way.

• Tip 2: Ask for Help
  • If you’re married have a conversation with your spouse. Let him know how you’re feeling and specific ways he can help. I’ve found that it’s best to ask for help at a time when you don’t feel like you’re about to snap. I like to find a time when I’m calm and can express my need for help in a tone that doesn’t communicate rage or resentment.

• Tip 3: Relax Your Standards
  • I realize that I’m at a stage in life where my house won’t be as clean as it was when I was childless. I’ve come to grips with the reality that it may be several more years before every room in my house is clean all at the same time. I’m OK with that now, but I wasn’t always. It would literally stress me the heck out that the house was always messy, and I couldn’t understand why it didn’t bother my husband the way it bothered me. I had a choice to make: I could either drive myself up the wall with constant cleaning, or relax my standards, and just make sure that the major areas were clean and sanitized until I could get around to the other cleaning and tidying tasks.
  • Maybe you’ve got the cleaning thing on lock, and you’re not willing to relax your standards there. Think of another area in your life where you can loosen the reins and free yourself from unnecessary stress.

1. Tip 4: Break Bad Habits
   • I almost feel bad about writing this tip, but breaking one bad habit was a huge game changer for me. When you’re overwhelmed it’s really easy to point the finger and think “I wouldn’t be so overwhelmed if my husband would just…” Here’s the thing though: there are changes that we can make as moms to help us break free from a continual cycle of overwhelm. When I started going to bed a few hours earlier each night my whole world started changing for the better. My mood improved. I was mentally sharper (no more staring at my second grade students and trying to rack my brain for their names). I was able to get up earlier and have quiet time to myself before everyone else woke up. Quiet time is synonymous with self care in my world, so this was a huge win!
   • If you can pinpoint some bad habits that are contributing to your overwhelm please be encouraged! Even though it may seem hard to make the change, your future self will thank you because it will be so worth the effort! I recently finished reading Atomic Habits by James Clear and I highly recommend this book.

1. Tip 5: Give Yourself Grace
   • Some of the worst criticism I’ve ever received has come from my own negative self talk. At times of extreme overwhelm I’ve actually uttered some of these phrases from my own mouth:
   • “You can’t do anything right.”
   • “You’re a terrible mom.”
   • “You’re a terrible wife.”
   • “Apparently you’re just not cut out to be a good wife or mom.”
   • It actually makes me a little sad to acknowledge that this is the way I’ve seen myself in the not so distant past, but the thing about overwhelm is that it can distort your perception of reality. I know that I’m not a terrible mom or wife, but that’s how I felt in a moment of overwhelm. I was allowing a bad moment to negatively define my entire journey of motherhood.
   • My prayer for you is that you won’t tear yourself down with your own words in a moment or season of overwhelm.
   • It takes some practice and intentionality, but when negative thoughts come to mind try to reframe them in a positive way.
   • Instead of: “you can’t do anything right”
   • Try: “you’re doing the best you can, and things will get better.”
   • Instead of: “you’re a terrible mom”
   • Try: “you’re a great mom, but you’re just having a really hard time right now. This will pass.”
   • Remember not to magnify your shortcomings so much that you forget all the really great things you’ve done as a mom.

1. Tip 6: Prioritize and Plan
   • When I actually sit down and use my fancy $50 planner to prioritize and plan my day, I feel more in control. These are the days that I’m more productive and less overwhelmed. And just for the record no fancy planner is necessary. For years I spent $5-$10 on my planners. The magic is in the act of actually prioritizing and planning; not the actual planner itself.
   • Even if I have a lot going on that could potentially be overwhelming, I’m not usually as stressed or frazzled when I know what my priorities are for the day because I’m able to focus (or refocus) on what’s most important. Last year I read a book called Eat That Frog by Brian Tracy, and the gist of the book is that you should eat your frog, or do your most dreaded/hardest/most important tasks first. Getting the main thing out of the way helps you feel accomplished. This can motivate you to take on whatever else is needs to get done. As a busy mom, there’s always more to be done. Even if you don’t get to everything else or anything else, at least your most important task will be complete, and that will help to lighten the mental load of overwhelm.

1. Tip 7: Practice Saying No
   • Sometimes overwhelm can stem from overcommitting. Saying no can be hard, especially if you’re a people pleaser or if you’re concerned about how others may view you for saying no. Here’s the thing, though, it really makes no sense to commit to something (even a good, or charitable deed) if you’re going to be miserable or spend the entire time wishing you had declined.
   • I’ve found that having a good one-liner prepared in advance helps me to say no if I can tell right away that an offer or invitation is only going to add to the overwhelm in my life. I have found that the more simple, the better. Something as simple as “no thank you,” or “I won’t be able to commit to that” usually does the trick. I typically like to give explanations, and they can get pretty lengthy, but none of that is really necessary. In most cases, the less information you offer after a “no,” the better.

1. Tip 8: Schedule Self Care
   1. Can you remember the last time you scheduled time to do something for yourself and then actually followed through with it? We get so busy taking care of everyone and everything else that we unfortunately can neglect our own physical, mental and spiritual well being.
   3. During a season of extreme overwhelm in my life, I learned to schedule my self care. My best friend saw that I was having a really rough time, and scheduled and appointment for me to see her masseuse. I had no idea how needed that massage was until I was laying face down on the table. I purchased a year-long membership to Massage Envy and I really enjoyed not only the massages, but having something to look forward to at the end of each month.
   4. Scheduling self care allows us to make ourselves a priority, and gives us ample time to make arrangements for uninterrupted time to do whatever we want, even if that means kicking the family out of the house for two hours to put on pajamas and watch Hallmark movies.
   5. Of course self care will look different for every mom, and it doesn’t really matter too much what you do for self care, as long as you’re taking time to do something that will fill your cup.
   6. Check out my blog post about self care.

• Tip 9: Focus on One Thing at a Time
  • Once upon a time (in my ignorance) I prided myself on being an expert multi-tasker. Now I understand that trying to do too many things at once makes me far less productive. It most efficient to give my full attention to the task at hand. Once of the sneakiest culprits is my phone or laptop. I enjoy consuming content just as much as I love creating it. I’m constantly watching/listening to/searching for YouTube videos or scrolling through social media. Picking up the phone here and there can be such a huge time suck. It can make a simple task like folding the laundry or cooking dinner take twice as long as it should. This contributes to overwhelm because it seems to take FOREVER to get things done. The truth is that only half of my time and energy is being put toward what needed to be accomplished.

• Tip 10: Ask God for Wisdom
  • So many tips, tricks and hacks are just one touch screen finger tap away. We have options when it comes to practical things we can try to curb the overwhelm in our lives. As a Christian, though, it’s important to not just stay in the realm of practical tips. We have to first seek God’s wisdom. At one point I was too exhausted to realize that I needed to get to the root. The root of why I constantly felt like I was drowning. In the Bible, James 1:5 says “if any of you lack wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. It’s safe to say that any area where we find ourselves struggling is an area where we could use some extra wisdom.
  • When I prayed to God about being burned out and asked Him to show me what to do I was asking for wisdom. He began to show me some blind spots that I had and how I could do things differently. Sis if you’re overwhelmed don’t forget to pray! Ask God to show you the root of why you’re so stressed and what changes to make.

Final Thoughts on how to Overcome overwhelm as a mom

• I really wish there was a silver bullet to deal with overwhelm once and for all. We all know it doesn’t exist, though. No matter how many great strategies you put in place there will always be seasons in life that are overwhelming. There’s good news, though. Once you’ve overcome a continual cycle of overwhelm, you’ll be better equipped to navigate overwhelming seasons or situations. Remember to give yourself grace!
• What do you find most overwhelming as a mom? And we’d love to hear your tips on how to deal with overwhelm.